||n o t|| Just friends.

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Growing up I can remember hearing from my mom all sorts of references about how we were not friends. As a mouthy teenager she would correct me regularly with, “don’t talk to me like I’m one of your friends.” At the time I was frustrated and annoyed, thinking to myself, “uh you think I’d talk to my friends like this?! I actually like them!” |yikes!!| But as I matured, I got it. I wasn’t treating her with the respect she deserved. I was too comfortable and down right rude far too often. Thankfully I have outgrown the major attitude… Right mom?!

When I was about eighteen my mom started to tell me that she wanted to be my friend. That she was hopeful that we would be able to make the shift and grow in our relationship. I have the upmost respect for my mom because of all the hard work she put in to really shape me into the person God desired for me to be. I wasn’t easy and she never gave up! That’s huge!! Now that I’m twenty seven |holy smokes how am I 27?!| and a mama myself I can say we are friends.

Her example has taught me so much about how I want to be as a mama-about the importance of boundaries. However, I am not looking forward to having to establish that boundary with my own babies as they grow up. Right now I can honestly say they are my number one buddies. I love hanging out with them and seeing life through their eyes. I fear the day where I have to draw the hard lines and communicate that for a season we can’t just be buddies. Or worse they don’t want to be my friend! || oh the horror ||

But for now they are my go to crew and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

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7 thoughts on “||n o t|| Just friends.

  1. kendrabeshk says:

    Totally agree! Parents are NOT supposed to be friends. And I am totally not looking forward to the teenage years either. That will be the real challenge. Yikes!

  2. Well said. My mom used to say that to me, too. As my daughter enters her teen years I see the temptation for me to just buddy up to her instead of retain my place if authority, I hope I can achieve a balance (she is so cool to hang out with) as well as my mom did with me. 🙂 (your babies are so gorgeous, by the way!)

  3. Larissa Lee says:

    See, that’s just weird to me. As an armybrat, my mom was my closest friend and only constant in a life of moving and adjusting to new places. If she’d stayed Mom instead of talking to me like a peer, I don’t think I could’ve managed attending three different high schools. Then again, I’m clearly not the norm.

    • I think there is a difference between open communication and speaking with your parent/child as if you are peers. You’re right your situation is not typical and I’m sure you have a fab mama who was very in tune to your needs and you went through tons of tough transitions. I don’t want to discourage relationship at all but I do think it is important to establish boundaries with your kids. I believe it’s our job to teach them and protect them- that is not a friends job.😊

      • Larissa Lee says:

        But why not? Not all friendships are based on emotionally shallow connections; some friends (think of those you still talk to years/decades later) are a part of you. Their influence is at par with a parent, because they have proven trust, honesty, love, and respect in your relationship. Shouldn’t we expect the same from parents?

        If you don’t build a relationship with your children that includes those things, the chances that they’ll turn to you for help or advice shrink as they age. And if you *do* cultivate those aspects in your parenting relationship, how are you not a friend?

        What exactly creates that line between parent and friend, other than the right to say “because I said so”?

  4. kendrabeshk says:

    I can see both points here. I also believe that there is a misunderstanding in what Sarah was posting about. My mom also told me “I’m not here to be your friend.” She meant that she’s not going to hold back her maternal & protective instincts to keep our “friendship.” Parents are there to protect us from things that may hurt us even when we don’t understand why. Friends don’t typically do that. I have to tell my two year old not to jump on the couch next to her baby brother because she can obviously severely hurt him. However, she doesn’t understand why I would tell her that. But she does know that I’m telling her not to & therefore she needs to stop. When she is 16 & wants to date a boy who is clearly wrong for her, it is my job to tell her no. It is my job to protect her & it will be her job to trust that I know what’s best for her.

  5. kendrabeshk says:

    Point being, my mom & I had so much fun together throughout my whole childhood. My mom was there for me when I felt I had no friends. I could always talk to her & she’s made me laugh more than anyone else I know, but I always knew she was my mom first & foremost.

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