Adventures in becoming a better mama.

Life has been so crazy for me recently! I had this whole blog planned out weeks ago but between real life responsibilities and the added holiday hustle it got away from me!

Well anyways here we go! I’m a mama of two littles. My Phinny was only 6 months old when I found out I was pregnant with his sister! I was stunned, overwhelmed, and crazy emotional. Phinn was my man. He was my little dude and all I ever did ever was snuggle with him, play with him, kiss him, and stare at him. I was in love, hard. I cared very little about anything else this world had to offer. When he was a newborn I would literally be in bed with him when my husband left for work and be in the exact same spot when he got home. Nothing mattered to me at all but him. As I’m writing this I’m realizing this could have eventually gotten bad, but I couldn’t help myself. He was the baby I deeply longed for and I never wanted to be away from him once he arrived.

One of the very first things I said when I found out I was pregnant again was “I can’t have another baby! I already have one!” – with tears rolling down my face.

20131209-234851.jpg ||See! Look how tiny he was…. And when this photo was taken I was half way through my pregnancy!!||

I hear a lot of mamas express a fear about not having enough love to give to a second baby. That wasn’t it for me. I didn’t fear not having enough love. I knew my heart would grow. I knew I’d experience love at first sight all over again but if I’m really really honest I wasn’t sure if I wanted to. I wasn’t ready to pay attention to anyone or anything other than him. I know that sounds crazy and even sort of harsh especially since I have her now! |everyone can sigh a big sigh of relief now… I am madly in love with her as well!!| I could go on and on about how she is the perfect fit for our family and about how God knows better than I did about what’s best for me! Trust me! But those were my feelings then… And they took a little while to come to terms with. But I got there. I got excited! I met her! I fell in love! She expanded the walls of my heart. She grew my character. She melted me and the bond that we share is priceless. But there is a big but! She never got just me. She never got to snuggle all day long in bed while we waited for daddy to come home. We were on the go! We went on play dates, to the park, on walks all over town, and countless target trips. One isn’t better than the other but man oh man where they different beginnings.

Now my littles are one and two and we are finding our groove and in that I am finding how I can be the best mama possible to them individually. I want to see them as individuals and connect with them in the way that they receive my love best. I am making a conscious effort to cut out one on one time with them and make those memories and form a lasting bond. I never want Phinn to feel like he lost his number one buddy when his sister came and I never want Lou to feel like she never gets just me.

It is a work in progress. I am a work in progress. But working I am!

We are not morning people over here. Elaborate breakfasts are not my thing (elaborate anything is not really my thing but especially breakfast!) but Phinn had been asking for pancakes for a few days and one evening when my mom was watching him she fed him her famous jiffy pancakes and of course, they were a hit! My mom is the greatest but I decided she couldn’t be the only one making my kid pancakes! So I got my booty in gear and got in the kitchen. I planned a special date for just the two of us. Lou went down for her morning nap and my boy and I shared pancakes, kisses, and a whole lotta laughs.

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That Phinneus Bear- he made me a mama and dang! I’m so lucky!

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